A Psalm 66 Life

Simple Prayer of Waiting

Amanda Olsavsky — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:43:29 +0000

Lord, teach me how to wait with expectant joy, knowing you will answer and provide for all my needs.

Dear H3,

Amanda Olsavsky — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:50:33 +0000

I am ready for you to come home. Two and a half weeks is a long time. Though you might not be ready to leave your family and get back to the rat race of US life, just know your girlfriend misses you.

Sincerely, Amanda Joy

Where to begin…

Amanda Olsavsky — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:53:00 +0000

Social expectations tell me I’m farther behind than I should be. People with GREAT advice tell me I should move on. It does matter, and I can’t deny it – I want what others have. Yet clarity and strength is all that I pray for. Is it wrong to fear failure? Or is it wrong in fear itself? Sometimes I do not know, but this I do, I have to keep moving. For I know, I’m sheltered in your hand. And I can trust, it’s all part of Your plan.

Subtle Changes

Amanda Olsavsky — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:44:47 +0000

When do you see you are finally beginning to mature and grow up? When do you mentally, physically and emotionally prepare for adulthood? When do you find yourself finally healing from years of slimy pit (or the SP as my mother calls it)?

When? It those subtle changes where …

You have a work day from home, and you do not feel guilty for not being in the office.
You see the value of family as never before — even willing to be humble and seek reconciliation
Your hair finally breathes a sigh of relief and knows it’s not going to be cut for a long time… therefore it CURLS like it hasn’t since college.
You begin to see God’s love poured out through the love of other people’s actions.
You accept imperfection and the knowledge life is a never-ending race but Perfection has already won.
You are willing to accept and OWN bad decisions, strained relationships seeking help where needed.
You are ready to put on “big girl pants” and step up to your fears (ok… one fear at a time… give me some time)
etc.
etc.
etc.

Just a thought for 8/3

Amanda Olsavsky — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:13:50 +0000

If only I could be as pithy as you. I think it would be amazing to think beyond 6-letter words. Yet I am not and do not. I use a dictionary when you write. Did you know my title was (and still is to the humor of my mother and I) the “Dumb One in the Smart Class.” I am just warning you. Sometimes I am brilliant and something I am simply lacking something practical. I promise you, though, my natural hair color is not blond – its mouse brown.

Before and Behold

Amanda Olsavsky — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 12:40:54 +0000

Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect plea. It is He - the Great High Priest, whose name is Love, who ever lives and pleads for me. My name is graven on His hands; my name is written on His heart. So I know that while in heaven He stands, no tongue can bid me thence depart.

When satan tempts me to deep despair and tells me of all my guilt, upward I look and see Him there, the one who made an end of all my sin. Because the Sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free. For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the Risen Lamb – my perfect and spotless Righteousness; the great Unchangeable I Am, the King of Glory and of Grace. One with Himself I cannot and will not die; my soul is purchased by His blood. My life is hid in Christ on high, with Christ my Savior and my God.

Salem.

Beauty and My Semi-Pathetic Excuse for a Vacation

Amanda Olsavsky — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:14:10 +0000

Yesterday was a vacation day, and it opened with a rather culturally-unique experience. With that said I start by prefacing two things — (1) this is not uncommon for the Asian culture and (2) do not judge me for what I am about to write.

Yesterday was my vacation, but there were no major adventures to be had. Yet beyond my wildly boring excuse for a day off, I made one plan … for Spa World. I have recently jumped on the craze of the Groupon and bought a certificate for a day at Spa World along with a foot massage. In my Caucasian/Western PA mindset, I was thinking of a place with quiet music and places to sit while you wait for various types of massages and manicures and pedicures and waxing and etc. But I was was rather shocked when explained (by my pastor and his wife, nonetheless) it was a full building of saunas and large bade pools and poultice rooms. To my extended curiosity and surprise, the saunas and bade pools were nude entry only (separate facilities for males and females).

I had already bought my Groupon so I was going to use it — nude or not nude. Now, you must take into consideration my last 1.5 years have been spent among a primarily Asian community. For them such types of facilities are not uncommon and often a family adventure. Therefore I decided to take my flat Caucasian/Western PA butt for my foot massage, and with slight apprehension I went.

Spa World is (to use the phrase) NO JOKE. You walk into a high ceiling entrance with many little shoe lockers in front of you. They hand you a number, you place your shoes in the bin, and this locker key becomes you admittance and payment tracker. I spun in circles. The poor lady at the front desk must have seen my desperate look of utter confusion and pointed me to the direction of the woman’s locker room. I was handed an orange cotton outfit which was the only clothing allowed in the poultice rooms and the massage areas. I changed quickly, attempting to not look into the nude bade pool room, got lost a second time, and ended up 15mins late for my foot massage.

(I would again like to take this moment and stop to explain something. Spa World is a Korean owned and run operation. As I said previously, its a cultural experience, therefore most of the signs were in Korean with the English at the bottom… I kept missing the English translations, hence getting lost.)

The foot massage was wonderful. I felt very awkward at first, but I was thankful I had shaved my legs and everyone around me wore the orange outfits. They had Korean television running in the massage room, and I attempted to figure out what was going on… I didn’t. I loved it. I am finding a strange comfort and familiarity in the unknown of cultural experiences.

After the foot massage, I scurried back to the woman’s locker room ready to take on the bade pool. It took me literally 15minutes to get the nerve to undress and walk into the pool. It was the only moment I wished I had a friend to walk me through the adventure. I did not want to stare at other women (AWKWARD), so I couldn’t note what everyone else was doing. Finally I made a decided move, threw my orange outfit into the locker and moved fast into the bade pool.

The pool is large and the jets of water powerful. The sauna rooms are hot and absolutely refreshing.

I felt like a true woman of God’s personal creation. With this point, I could almost cry. During the 45minutes of being nude, I was completely unashamed. I struggle, and violently at times, with my own body image. Over the last 11 years I have been anorexic and overweight, fit and healthy, obsessive and controlling, ashamed and hopeless. Yet yesterday, in that small amount of time of less than an hour, I felt beautiful as God created me. I did not feel compared or sized-up or scrutinized or judged. I felt fearfully and wonderfully made. At one point that thought took my breath away.

God made us beautifully and we are called to take care of His creation. How do we glorify God with our bodies, by keeping it healthy – not obsessing, not abusing, not destroying, not judging.

I don’t have it!

Amanda Olsavsky — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:33:38 +0000

I am spinning in circles, like a vicious game of roulette with no opportunity to get off the dial. If I could scream one thing to the world… I DO NOT HAVE IT DOWN and I am PISSED OFF… that’s what I would scream. Twenty-eight years later and I feel like I am a mere 15-year-old struggling through the same mindsets, the same beliefs, the same misconceptions. I was on the verge of a literal panic attack on Saturday, as I was being hit with all my seeming “failures” of the last 5 years. It just makes me mad — a cross between pride and self-pity. In my mind I should be amazing in all things; I should be capable of superhuman feats; I should be 10 years ahead of life goals and productivity; I should be SUPER-SPIRITUAL possessing all knowledge.

REALITY CHECK — I AM seemingly behind.

TRUTHFULLY — God is putting my pride in check.

Who is Hengyi Hu?

Amanda Olsavsky — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:46:00 +0000

Hengyi and Amanda at a PT event

I have heard you! You want to know about this guy, this gentleman who has somehow managed to win my curiosity and my affection. To describe Hengyi in one blog post would be ridiculous, but to not introduce him to you would be mean. So I give you the 11 brief points of Hengyi Hu.

A true introvert sometimes posing as an extrovert — dating a girl who wishes she could sometimes be a hermit but would never survive
A man who walks into every situation expecting success — while his girlfriend is normally expecting to fail.
A man with purpose, direction and a plan for his life, yet doesn’t like to be extremely scheduled on his time off — unlike his girlfriend who is pretty flexible in everything, but enjoys scheduling her Saturdays.
A man who is willing to ask his girl how he can be a better romantic — when in turn he gets excited when she cooks for him with the added bonus of putting away his dishes from the dishwasher.
A man who will give a Christmas gift (a camera) before Thanksgiving so his girlfriend can take pictures of her family — while his girlfriend struggles for 2 months to scrounge together gifts before Christmas day.
A man who plans a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend AND refurbishes a racing bike so she can join him in his favorite hobby — while with much shame his girlfriend doesn’t think he really wants to celebrate his birthday and gets him a book … … … yes I know. I apologized for days over this one.
A man who fights for truth in his life, even if it means angering other people — while his girlfriend seeks to pacify ALL situations so there is NO conflict.
A man who does not feel the need to rush and explain everything. He can be trusted at his word — while his girl needs to justify and explain everything.
A man who can cook ANYTHING — his girlfriend likes to bake.
A man who loves to work out — his girlfriend detests the gym.
A man who can protect and be gentle at the same time.

Hengyi and I at the Chen Wedding

I took a sick day…

Amanda Olsavsky — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:43:49 +0000

My body woke up in a stomach funk. So I took a sick day. Could I have safely functioned through another Monday workday? Yes, but I admit a need to step away from work, even though I spent about 4 hours today between emails and webinars. I need a break. There! I said it. I need a break. I was foolish to tell the pastors and my boss at MCS I could function without a full week vacation. I was absolutely, 100%, foolish. My life is changing too fast to not stop and reevaluate. Call me lazy; call me slothful; call me WHATEVER, I do not care right now… I really just need time.

I am learning things of myself, or at least admitting things of myself.

(1) I am NOT a superwoman. I do not harbor secret talents of extraordinary feats of multitasking. I am normal.

(2) I love to work, but I love rest. Rest is NOT a bad thing; in fact it is necessary. I simply do not do it well. I do not know how to manage downtime. It will literally take me 3 days of a vacation week to actually vacation.

(3) I covet a shorter commute. Many of you say Amanda just move. I love where I live too much! And I love my church too much to be that far away. I am in a quandary.

(4) My complaints haven’t changed in the last 4 years, so what gives? I just keep a crazy schedule and do not know how to do it any other way. Any questions?

So there! I took a sick day. And now that my stomach is feeling better I am going to go and clean my bathroom so it doesn’t feel like a waste of a day.

Oh and here are some photographs from recent months.

Daddy & Me

Gig with House of Echo

Sweet Elizabeth! My friend!

Emily, Me, Lynn & Sarah at the Chen Wedding